Neat Partying Teenagers? Honey Fraud? Thelma and Louise Grandmas? What in the World Is Going On?

Perusing the plethora of strange security-adjacent stories that crossed Security Management editors’ paths in December, we celebrate the talent of news writers, bringing you their own descriptions as well as showing off the ability to pull a good quote.

As always when we turn to this monthly presentation of strange security, we acknowledge that security is serious, and while these stories are examined with a lighter touch, we realize there are victims in these stories and do not want to minimize the suffering the actions in these stories caused.

2,500 Savory Pies Bound for Christmas Celebration Stolen: “Banks said the van was insured, but he implored the vehicle thieves not to let the food go to waste. In an Instagram video, he suggested they ‘do the right thing’ and drop the pies at a community center or other venue.” Alas, the plea went unheeded, and $32,000 worth of rotting meat pies were recovered from the stolen catering van.

Beekeeping Awards’ Honey Competition Cancelled Due to Suspected Fraud: The puns in this story came fast and furious, to wit: “…recent investigations … showed the sticky situation that importers have found themselves in.” And: "Having this consistent technique in the testing armoury could take the sting out of honey fraud."

Thelma and Louise Grandmas Commit Bizarre Crime: When you have headline like that, you better follow it with a good lead paragraph, and this Daily Mail writer delivered: “Two wealthy retired dentists were arrested after committing a series of bizarre robberies in the Bay Area while clutching Louis Vuitton purses, according to police.” Paints a picture, no?

Teens Denied AirBnB Rental Decide to Break In and Throw Halloween Party Anyway: Being a news journalist means being able to sniff out the news part of a story. Teens break into house for a party? Nothing about that is going to grab your attention. But maybe this third paragraph from the article will draw you in: “But when [the owner] arrived to assess the wreckage, she found that her rug had been rolled up and tucked away. The furniture had been moved aside and the couch cushions covered in plastic trash bags. And the artwork on her walls had been removed.” What tidy trespassing teens. 

Unusual Circumstances of an English Man Attacking Three Officers: The unusual circumstances are captured in a simple, matter-of-fact lead paragraph: “A wet and naked man assaulted three officers who had turned up to arrest him after he stole an elderly man's mobile phone and threatened him with a machete.”