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Illustration by Security Management

Respect the Grandmas. And the Kickers.

Here we go again, last month had its fair share of news stories featuring bad criminals, ironic criminals, and our top two stories, which (mostly) don’t involve criminals at all.

But first, our usual Strange Security roundup disclaimer: while a presentation of strange security stories might be a lighthearted approach, we recognize that security is serious, and that in many of these stories there are victims, whose suffering we do not intend to diminish.

Number 5Isn’t it ironic? A Univision Chicago television reporter was filming a segment on armed robbery plaguing a Chicago neighborhood. You can figure out the rest of the story: Three men in ski masks approached the television crew showing weapons, stealing their personal valuables as well as camera equipment.

Number 4Ready for round two? An 87-year-old woman in Brunswick, Maine, was woken up by a male intruder who threatened her. Her response: “If he’s going to cut, I’m going to kick.” She managed to fend off the would-be attacker. She recognized the intruder as the now-grown boy who had cut her grass. When he tired of the struggle and made for the kitchen, she offered him snacks, calling 911 on her rotary phone while he ate.

Number 3What should you do when 5 million bees spill onto the highway? Roll up your windows! That’s the urgent message police west of Toronto were giving motorists traveling on a roadway where crates carrying 5 million bees fell off a truck. Several local beekeepers volunteered to help with the clean-up, which lasted several hours.

Number 2There’s no way he could be a football player, right? Blake Grupe is five-feet, seven-inches tall and weighs 156 pounds. He is also a rookie kicker on the New Orleans Saints, and was the hero of the team’s first preseason game when his 31-yard field goal won the game as time expired. Twice that day, security guards at Los Angeles’s SoFi Stadium stopped him asking to see his credentials—once before the game, once after he kicked the game winner.

Number 1Are you seeing things? If what you saw was a man driving around Norfolk, Nebraska, with a huge Watusi bull in the passenger seat, then, no, you were not seeing things. (Watusi bulls have a massive set of horns that can span eight feet and have 30-inch diameters at their base. Seriously. You have to see the video accompanying the news story.) Officers stopped the driver, but only issued a warning. The bull, Howdy Doody, was fine.

Our editors also ran across these unusual security-related stories in the past month:

Video shows moment bumbling Ohio burglar falls from bank roof into trash can—just as police arrive

Foot Fondler Nabbed in Lake Tahoe: Bizarre Crime Spree Halted

A one-star Google review was a major clue in a fatal hit-and-run

Suspected package thief pulled from drain after drone finds hiding spot