Looking for Love: What You Need to Know About Romance Scams
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Wherever you are, romance scammers will find you.
Just ask Beatrice, a Los Angeles-based woman in her late 60s who signed up for a profile on a senior’s dating application after her husband had passed away because she missed his companionship. She ended up matching with an individual who appeared to be a 66-year-old Spanish lumberjack and resembled her late husband.
“The pot at the end of the rainbow was going to be so wonderful, this story he told me of what our lives would be like together, and how much we had in common” Beatrice said in an interview with Homeland Security Investigations, a division of U.S. Customs and Immigration Enforcement (ICE). “It was both of us having lost a spouse, and now we’re going to start the rest of our lives together. I just couldn’t see straight.”
Beatrice spent months texting and calling her new paramour on the phone, fostering an emotional connection and creating a sense of trust before he started to exhibit some concerning behaviors. This included asking her for money, a red flag that she initially ignored because she said she “didn’t want to be wrong.”
Ultimately, Beatrice joined a Facebook group for people who were victims of romance scams. She also worked with law enforcement to investigate her fictitious paramour. But this marks a rare instance where a romance scam victim has come forward. Romance scams are traditionally underreported because victims are “embarrassed and humiliated that they were duped and have become emotionally and financially invested in the relationship,” according to the U.S. Secret Service.
In 2023, the most recent year that data is available for, the FBI received more than 17,000 complaints of romance and confidence scams that resulted in losses of more than $650 million, according to the 2023 Internet Crime Report.
These scams start with a seemingly innocent connection online—either through a dating application or a social media website where criminals find victims. The scammer will then look up information about their victim online, using that data to create a quick and significant bond, the FBI says.
Romance scammers will also engage in what’s known as “love bombing,” showering their intended victim with attention, professing their love early in the relationship, and showing significant interest in their personal details. They might also request images, even explicit ones, to further deepen emotional trust and attachment.
These are potential red flags that your special connection might not be genuine. Other indicators could include regular communication with your crush, who then always cancels plans to meet in person—typically at the last minute. A big red flag is when your paramour, who you have yet to meet in person, begins to ask you for money, gift cards, or even to invest in cryptocurrency.
This process can take months or even years. For instance, a U.S. federal jury in New Mexico recently convicted two Nigerian nationals for their role in an international romance scheme that went on for at least two years. Olutayo Sunday Ogunlaja, 39, and Abel Adeyi Daramola, 37, used a fake profile on the dating website eHarmony.com for a “Glenn Brown” to connect with their intended victim and request money to help Brown complete a construction project in Malaysia and return to the United States.
The victim sent roughly $560,000 using various accounts in the United States, Canada, and Malaysia between 2016 and 2017 before the scam was disrupted, the U.S. Department of Justice said in a press release.
Posing as people with dangerous or remote jobs is a common tactic for romance scammers—since it helps explain why the individual can’t meet you in person. Lumberjacks, oil rig workers, and even members of the military, diplomats, or even surgeons serving in combat zones—such as Afghanistan, Ukraine, or South Sudan—are all popular choices, according to the U.S. Federal Trade Commission (FTC).
“These scammers may steal photos of real military personnel for their profiles. They might say they need cash to apply for a ‘leave request’ to visit you,” the FTC added. “Or to pay for food and medical treatment during their deployment.”
One trend that the FTC has tracked is romance scammers pretending to be U.S. service members stationed in Ukraine—where there is no U.S. military presence.
“The scammers ask you to send them care packages by wiring money through an official-looking (but fake) military website,” the FTC explained. “Servicemembers never have to pay to get packages, food, medical treatment, or to take leave.”
During the course of the courtship, victims typically exchange a great deal of personal information with the scammer—along with financial assets—that could make them further vulnerable to crime.
“The intimate and personal information victims often provide can then be used by the scammers for identity theft and financial account takeover schemes, among others,” the Secret Service explained. “Scammers may even convert their victims into unwitting criminals by convincing them to launder and move fraudulent funds, for which the victim is then liable, both financially and potentially criminally.”
People are especially vulnerable to these types of scams because studies show that many adults suffer from feelings of loneliness or social isolation. In the State of the Nation report released in February 2025, researchers found that one in 10 U.S. adults reported having no close friends or family they could ask for help.
“Humans are naturally social. Our sense of happiness, purpose, and security depends heavily on our friends and family members,” the report said. “When life gets difficult, we need people we can count on to lift us back up.”
Romance scammers take advantage of those feelings by love bombing their targets while further isolating them from other contacts who might dissuade them from interacting with the scammer.
Elisabeth Carter, an associate professor at Kingston University London who studies romance scams, spoke with WIRED and emphasized that romance scammers also often make their personas seem vulnerable.
“Criminals lurking on dating apps, for example, will sometimes even claim that they were previously scammed and are wary of trusting anyone new,” according to WIRED. “This names the elephant in the room right away and makes it seem less likely that the person the victim is chatting with could be a scammer.”
Scammers are also leveraging new technology to make themselves appear more genuine. For instance, using generative artificial intelligence (AI) to build fake profiles on dating websites and carrying on conversations in multiple languages with their targets.
“These romance scams and pig butchering operations are getting more aggressive and harder to spot,” says Chloe Messdaghi, founder of SustainCyber, in a statement shared with Security Management. “Scammers are weaponizing AI to create fake profiles, deepfake videos, and run chatbot-driven conversations that feel real—they know how to tap into emotions fast.”
So, what can you do if you think your new crush is a scammer? The FTC advises taking these steps to protect both your heart and your finances:
- Immediately stop communicating with the person.
- Talk to someone you trust about the connection and listen to their feedback about the relationship. If they're concerned, you should probably be concerned, too.
- Do an online search for the type of job your paramour claims to have with the word “scammer,” such as “oil rig scammer” or “U.S. Army scammer.”
- Conduct a reverse image search of your connection’s profile picture to see if other names or profiles that don’t match come up.
After doing this assessment if you come to the conclusion you might be a victim of a romance scam, the FTC advises contacting your financial institution immediately and reporting it. They can help protect your accounts from further fraud, as well as potentially assist with getting some of your assets back.
You can also report the fraud to authorities in your jurisdiction. In the United States, for instance, you can report romance scams to the FBI and the U.S. Secret Service.
